In Good Times and in Bad

Things have been going rather smooth. It’s during these times that I can genuinely smile. I smile because my husband smiles. The days are getting longer. The sun is shining hotter. The fog of the world he has lived in through this brutal winter is slowly burning off.

You would think during these periods that I could just sit back and enjoy it. Don’t get me wrong, I do. There is nothing quite like seeing him roll out of bed with disheveled hair with me at 6 a.m., ready to greet the day. Or watching him laugh as our 4 year old sprays him with a Capri Sun(a new trick his older brother taught him). It is amazing to watch him participate in life again after missing him so desperately through the winter.

But, there is always that nagging feeling in the back of my brain. Just waiting. Waiting for the speech to pick up pace. Waiting for the sleep to never come. Waiting for the mania to start. I hope with everything I have in me that this mood will last. I’d love to spend summer with my husband just as he is right now. Everyday is a new beginning, I just hope that tomorrow he can continue this upward climb.

I’d prefer to skip the dips that come with this rollercoaster. But good or bad, I just have to remember that I waited in line for this ride. I waited for the front seat holding his hand and like any good rollercoaster, I know this one has some wicked corkscrews and will turn you upside down and throw your stomach up into your throat. I’ve just learned to make sure my buckle is securely fastened and that I’ve secured all loose objects. I keep my hands inside the ride at all times, hoping that I can hold his hand during the crazier sections.

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3 Responses to In Good Times and in Bad

  1. Damnit this is so poignant!! I demand that this be Freshly Pressed!!! Oh how i feel for you!! And I see anew how my disease, our disease, impacts others. Which makes me sad.

    Like

    • zebrabrie says:

      Thank you! Truly. I only talk to one person in “the real world” and she’s over 2000 miles away. I know it’s Hell in his head, so I can’t tell him the ways in which his disease affects me…And she said start a blog. I can just let it out, so I can commit to staying positive and fighting alongside him. Some things are worth a fight.

      Like

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